Day1 - Wednesday 21st June 2017
I had decided to go and see Wonder Woman. It takes me a while to decide to venture out but I wanted to see the film. My go-to cinema is the Showcase in Bargeddie and there was a 1055 showing - ideal. I knew the M8 had been rebuilt and the slip-roads were all different but I knew where I was going. Next turn off eastbound after Baillieston, the Uddingston exit. How hard could it be?
Driving along the new M8 I was quite impressed. They've done a good job. Feels very American, reminds me of the US101 and US237. I drove through the Baillieston interchange and said to myself, "Right, stay sharp. Look for the signs and stay in lane". Imagine my surprise to find myself driving past the Showcase. There was no Uddingston exit. No Shawhead exit either.
Now, I should add I am not the world's most confident driver and it does not take much to shake me. I was a bit shaken. Fortunately Eurocentral was coming up and I at least knew that area, even with all the sliproad changes. Up over and onto the westbound carriage and I was heading back to Glasgow, but had decided to just head for a coffee. I would look up the route when I got home.
Strike #1
Day2 - Thursday 22nd June 2017
I had realised my mistake. The new road layout means you have to get off the eastbound M8 at the M73/A8 junction, then get onto the old A8 to get to the Uddingston/Bargeddie turn off. Right. Sorted.
I set off again. Watched for the exit, took the exit, round the roundabout, onto the eastbound A8 - I was relieved, I was on the correct road and I was Wonder Woman bound. Until I saw the sign saying "Showcase exit closed". No diversion posted, nothing.
As, again, I sailed past the Showcase with no idea how to get there my happy thoughts, the few there were, evaporated. And for the second day in a row I journeyed on to Eurocentral, up over and onto the westbound carriage and I was heading back to Glasgow. I did, of course take the wrong exit on the roundabout and ended up on the westbound A8 when I had wanted the M8 but I knew where it went. And funnily enough it would pass the westbound Uddingston/Bargeddie exit. But, as I've said elsewhere, it does not take much to knock me so I ploughed on rather than try and recover the situation.
Strike #2
Day3 - Friday 23rd June 2017
Right, surely this time you would think? I knew where to go - blast through to Eurocentral, onto the westbound A8, off at the Uddingston/Bargeddie exit, Showcase, sink into the loving powerful arms of Wonder Woman. Surely nothing could go wrong this time.
And it didn't - I got there on the third day of trying! Okay, a slight wobble coming off the A8 as they're added a roundabout that I wasn't expecting but I parked up and headed in.
The joy of a morning weekday screening is it is quiet, and when you're always on your own that's important. There is less chance of bumping into idiots, malcontents, antisocial eejits, screaming weans, ignorant chatterboxes and all the manner of human detritus that makes the modern-day cinema-going experience such a thoroughly painful and excruciating chore. There were a few people scattered through the cinema but not many. I was moments away from my date with the Princess of Themyscira.
And then my worst nightmare happened.
This day was the last day of school and for some reason a local school had decided this would be the ideal time to take a P7 class to the pictures. And so, I watched in sinking horror as 30 children (aged around 8 or 9) chaotically piled into the two rows in front of me, a single teacher vaguely trying to keep order but most likely counting the seconds until she could bugger off away from the rabble for 6 weeks. The kids all proceeded to start bouncing up and down on the seats, swapping positions so they could sit next to their pals, chattering away, phones were out ...
I knew I should try to be tolerant but I knew then I could not stay. I knew the movie would be utterly ruined (it has happened to me before) as my anger was building and it was only the bloody adverts. So I made a choice. I walked out, to my car and I was heading back to Glasgow, feeling sick in the stomach that I had just majorly screwed up. Again.
Strike #3 and out
Epilogue
I suppose I should have asked for my money back but I just wanted to get out. I did glance over at the box-office and the girl who had sold me my ticket not 15 minutes previously was looking somewhat quizzically at me, which is understandable.
I guess I'll just need to wait for the home video release now.
